What makes you smile like nothing else?
I think this is an amazing question don’t you?
I’ve sat on this question for a while now because I wasn’t sure how to answer it, I had so many answers and couldn’t decide which one of the many things that make me smile actually make me smile like nothing else can…..

• Many things can make me smile, some just little things like laying down to the smell of freshly cleaned sheets right out of the dryer…..
• The first bite of my favorite dish (when I get it right)  haha……
• When a great song comes on the radio……
• Watching my kids accomplish something they have worked on…..
• Seeing the look on my children’s face Christmas Morning because Santa came…..

After I thought about all the things that make me smile ……I realized the one thing that makes me smile like nothing else is the feeling of LOVE …..

The love from another given freely with nothing to gain …..that feeling that you get when you can feel the others love for no other reason than for who you are …….The love you give to another because they are worth it …That is what makes me smile like nothing else can …..

My 8-year-old reminded me of this yesterday morning when she saw that after asking for 3 years in a row for a stuffed Jaguar teddy…..Santa finely came through and although none of his elves could find one anywhere nor could they make one …..Santa hunted down some material that looked as much like a Jaguar as he could and made one just for her …..and it has not left her side since……even though it is the most pitiful looking cat I have ever seen …haha…it probably should have been left to the elves….haha…But Santa worked very long hours on this cat I’m positive of that…..and when she saw it…….. that little spark that was starting to fade came back in her eyes and her belief in Santa was restored ….which moved my 2 older children and the magic of the real meaning of Christmas was back ……because its all about the love not the presents…..it’s all about the little things……

and I get the privilege of seeing that kind of love everyday….and every time my children hug me …..every time my I hear my children laugh ……every time I see Dorito the Jag(his new name) haha….get squeezed with love ( I sure hope he makes it through the year…..good thing Mom owns a sewing kit…..haha….

Dorito the Jaguar

This is how My life Becomes Me…..

Does silence make you uncomfortable?

This is something that I think about sometimes when I’m with others I think is the silence you hear making you feel uncomfortable ?

I think it would all depend on the situation don’t you think?
Do you feel like you need to fill the silence ….I have been feeling like this recently and I don’t like it .. I have never felt uncomfortable in the silence before but I now feel like I need to fill that silence that I not so long ago enjoyed ….but I think the only reason People feel the need to fill that silence is because it needs to be filled with something that need to be said and those involved don’t want to say what needs to be said…Hmmm… Maybe you should say what needs to be said and the silence will be gone?

But that’s just what I think.

I have always loved Being able to sit and do what ever with others and not have to talk… but to let each do his/her own thing and just enjoy being in the others company….
Maybe I enjoy the silence because I live in a very loud world?

Maybe some people are uncomfortable with the silence because they don’t know how to come out of their shell And don’t know what to say.

I like to listen to music ALL the time so maybe I am more uncomfortable with silence then I thought ….hmmm I’ll have to think about that one.
I guess this is just some food for thought….

And this is how Life Becomes Me.

My baby … ok if she knew I was calling her a baby she would probably be upset..haha..because she is the ripe old age of 8…but that’s what you get when your the youngest
Last night my little girl who we’ll call (s) was chatting away in the back seat on our way to dance class telling me all about her day and showing off her new powerful words like colossal…. It means very big by the way just in case you didn’t know …. ( thats her goal this term in school to learn more powerful words )….. So there she is chatting away again talking about her day and I decided to ask her about her new seating arrangement because her teacher unbeknown to her decided to sit her next to one of her best friends,now this boy we’ll call him (T) he is a real boys boy likes to play rough and tumble with the rest of the boys ….but since T met S in kindergarten he has had a soft spot for her. Maybe because she looks like a pixie but tackles like pit-bull….haha…
Ok now I’m getting off the mommy moment back to the story at hand…..
So I ask her if she is happy about this new seating arrangement ( which the teacher has already after one afternoon informed me that there seamed to be a lot of chatter) and she proceeds to inform me that she’s not too sure because he likes to talk a LOT…and she told him that if he keeps it up she will have to tell the teacher!
And then she tells me that he is very good friends with another little boy who we’ll call (L) and WE know L quite well he was at her birthday and boy does he have a crush on her, he is one of those boys who will pull the ponytail of the girl he likes, and he has been teasing her mercifully lately ….to the point that she didn’t want to go to school.
We spoke to her teacher and asked if she could do something about it for us.

So back to sitting in the car and driving to dance class…. I then proceeded to ask her if she was still having trouble with L teasing her or if sitting next to T has made it better or worse.
She looked at me a said very straight forward ….. Oh I took care of him!… You did did you! … She informed me that she told him to stop or She would tell Mrs.B the teacher…….

And that was it …..At that moment I was so proud of my baby girl because she didn’t like the way she was being treated so she did the right thing and said no this is not ok I don’t like it so stop or this will be the consequence….

If nothing else I’ve at least taught her this ….a very proud moment for me.

and then right there at that moment I realized the colossal mistake I had made in interfering ….now did I just make everything worse!…is L going to think she told …..so I send out an e-mail to her teacher that night and she tells me L has been home sick all week and she hasn’t had a chance to talk to him yet ….I took a deep breath and sighed with relief …..

She is still my pixie and will be a pit-bull with those other then her siblings, and this was when I got my glance of her greatness ….what’s to come… She told her best friend to stop talking so she wouldn’t get in trouble and put a stop to the teasing….

And this is how My Life Becomes Me.

sometimes I will think of ways I could be working on what I should be doing.
Sometimes I will be thinking of things I should be thinking about and sometimes I will be thinking of lists I will have to create to stop procrastinating so I can actually do what I’m supposed to do.
Other times I will listen to music ….saying to my self oh! I love this song I’ll get back to work after this one, or I’ll check my e-mail just incase I got something important.

Once a long time ago I got “a round Toit”…. But alas I lost it some time ago and maybe when I get a round Toit again it’ll get done!…. Bit until then I guess I’ll think about making a list of what has to get done.

And this is how My Life Becomes Me

In the tradition of giving thanks to those around us on this day I would like to share some of the things I am thankful for…..

• I am thankful for my mother and father for giving me all they could to help me grow into the women and mother that I am.
• I am thankful for my partner who has given me 3 of the most beautiful children in the world.
• I am thankful that my oldest girl has spirit and spunk and the courage to be who she wants to be.
• I am thankful that my middle child is finding the confidence to become what ever he wishes as he grows in to the man he so wants to become.
• I am thankful for my youngest for having the perfect blend of spirit and confidence and courage to become the wonderful adult that I know she will become.
• I am thankful for my  family and friends who have stuck by me through all my ups and downs throughout the years.
• I am thankful that my partners dog may have finely stopped eating my books.
• I am thankful for being able to make money doing what I enjoy.
• I am thankful for lessons learned….and lessons that are still to be learned to allow me to grow.
• I am thankful to those people who have been instrumental in helping me grow over the past year.
• I am thankful for my sweater that is keeping me warm today as I watch the first snow fall of the year.
• I am thankful for the pickle ends because they are my favorite when eaten with cheese.
• I am thankful for the ability to see and appreciate all that I am thankful for.
• I am thankful for you …..because you chose to stop and read what I have to say.

there are so many other things to be grateful for but I am in the middle of preparing turkey dinner so these are the ones that I will say for now.

I belive that there is always something to be thankful for no matter how rough the road…. you just have to look and once you focus on those little things the bumps in the road seem to fill them selves.

so what are you Thankful for this year?….you don’t have to share them with me if you don’t want to ….but you need to find them and appreciate them for your self because even the little things matter…..when you find all the little things and put them all together they become big things…..don’t you think.

so Thanks for giving to me…….thanks for giving to others…….thanks for giving even just a little of your selves.

and this is how…. My Life Becomes Me!

I then proceeded to ask what it was they were thinking of ?….the answer I got was Nothing???…..really?… Nothing?…..I have gotten this answer many times over the years mainly from my partner …..what I don’t get…. is how do you think of nothing how does that happen and if they can think of nothing… why can’t I ?

when I am not talking I am thinking…..thats just how I am…..all the time!!!….. it never shut’s off this thinking thing. something is always going through my head whether its something big or small !!!!……important or silly….its still thinking…..at least that’s what I thought ?…….I think so much that I even have to think my self to sleep …haha….ok I know it’s weird but hey if I am not completely exhausted the breaks just don’t work!

I can think of an orange and my thinking will make its way to whether I rememberd to shut the shredder off at work yesterday to what the temperature will be tomorrow….lol…..why??? well because one thing always leads to another with me…. it just never ends…. never!!!…. one thing always roll’s into another …sometimes I would love to record one of my conversations with the girls at work …..lol

I thought at one time that if I listened to music I would then be too busy concentrating on what I am listening to, to be able to think of anything else…..boy was I wrong….but I’ll let you in on a little secret I do my best thinking when I’m listening to music…..who would have thought that, right! …..I put in my headphones and I drown out the rest of the world and away I go ….lol….

so now that I have explained how my mind works …isn’t this how everyone’s mind works ??? …..and if so how can you be thinking about nothing then?

Ok well I always figured it was because whoever I was asking didn’t want to share whatever it was they were thinking …that’s what I always thought!!…….its what I do (the thinking thing remember it never stop’s in here!!..) so after I ask and I get the answer “nothing” and I know very well the other person is thinking something you can always see the thought process in the other persons eyes …I wonder if others notice this ? huh or am I just observant …nah others must see how your eyes move when you think…lol…

It then makes me wonder WHY???….why don’t they want to share …what are they hiding ?…or I think why are they too embarrassed to tell me what they are thinking?…do they think I would judge them?….

see how the thinking thing works ……haha….it is really exhausting in here.

so if it’s because you don’t want to share then why are you spending time with me if you don’t want to share what your thinking ….I mean really if I wasn’t interested I never would have asked in the first place…right???…..

I will confess to having done the very same thing and I may even do it again(depending on what my thoughts are) but I now say what is on my mind if I’m asked no matter how silly it may be or sound….and I must say it has brought some funny looks from my partner, one particular time he asked and I was thinking about something quite silly…..lol…but if you really don’t want to know then DON’T ASK…lol

so my partner just walked in and asked what I’m doing and I told him I was writing about thinking …….he said Wow …that’s a weird topic??… with his funny look on his face……guess it’s one of those moments …haha

so I do filter what I say depending on who I am talking to because…..well because not EVERYTHING need to be shared with everyone …..but then you may just get it’s just not proper to share right now…lol….you would think that with all this thinking I would have no problems writing …..you would think!!!

so don’t ask if you don’t want to know ……and for those of you who really do think of nothing pleeeeesssseeee tell me how you do it !!!!!…..because I would love to think of nothing just once …..lol…because as my partner says …my brain must hurt with all this thinking…..and it could use a break …haha

and this is how My Life Becomes Me 

Do you ever notice that even when you want to stretch your mind and grow you still get stuck in you comfort zone ….that unwrapping that blanket is still difficult and you can’t find that opening that you want or even need.

I have really been putting myself to the test this past year….to streach my mind ….my capabilities….I have teetered on the edge a few times…. tripped up over my own feet …. and fallen on my ass…. but every time I pick my self up dust off and write it off as a new learning experience ….I tell myself that it’s something that has stretched my mind just a bit more.

Recently I was away on a training seminar and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to take myself out of my comfort zone ….during this class they asked questions and for every good question and every good answer you would get a ticket for a door prize ……as always as soon as you put a prize into the equation every one try’s just a little harder ….haha…I had no need for the door prize but the challenge on the other hand I thought to my self this is a great opportunity to test myself.

In the past if questions were asked and if I knew the answer I would wait till I heard the answer and if I did know the answer I would give myself a little pat on the back and tell myself see I did know that answer …but I would always stay silent in the back corner and if I got the question wrong I would once again give myself a little pat on the back because I didn’t know the answer and I didn’t make a fool of myself by trying.

As they asked the questions and people answered, I participated like I have never participated before.I learned that when I get called on and I don’t know the answer I still go as red a tomato and my mind really does go blank when I’m put on the spot and I don’t have time to prepare an answer …haha…. but I didn’t know the answer so I was taught the answer and now I know the answer…and when I knew the answer (and I knew more than I thought I would) I put myself out there to be challenged to be asked out of my little comfort zone to have everyone look at me and hear what I have to say ….I don’t know where this feeling comes from because I remember growing up everyone telling me that I was always trying to be the centre of attention …haha…and here I am as a grown women trying to break out of my corner and move up to the front of the class….because somtimes that is my safe place…just sitting in the back and listening and observing ….sometimes it’s nice to have someone other than myself tell me I’m right ….haha…just because I know how to pat myself on the back doesn’t mean I need to.

so I asked and I answered and I collected I think the most tickets out of our little group and I may not have won the door prize but I think my prize was the best because I am now one step closer to stepping out of the corner …I asked and I learned so much more than I ever would have by staying quiet in the back ….I as someone who has spent most of my working life teaching and training others have always told everyone that there is no such thing as a stupid question….and that day I proved it.

and that is how My Life Becomes Me

When are you the happiest?
That is today’s question ….. When I first saw this question I though to myself this is an easy one….haha…
Now that I’ve thought about it …not so much …..
There are so many things that can make a person happy and at different times in life it can change, depending on where a person is emotionally will also depend on what can and will make them the happiest.
At one point in my life what made me happiest was being pregnant and not having a miscarriage ….yet today it was having my 8-year-old get herself dressed and ready for school without an argument ….haha… See how much it can change from year to year.
Some days what makes me happiest is not having to be the referee between my children …or even between my partner and my children.
Other days it’s creating an amazing kitchen design that my customer loves.
I think what makes me the happiest is seeing my children confident and happy and ready to conquer the world.

what makes you happy will always change so take your happy moments treasure them all because when you appreciate them all they will all make you the happiest.

That is how My Life Becomes Me….

Cover via Amazon

As all the parents spend the day rejoicing in the fact that once again their children are off to school for yet another year …..I am sitting here worried about what the new year will bring me…..

I had a very good first back to school morning everything went without a hitch my two youngest were up and dressed full of excitement before 7am …..and even my oldest was ready by 7:30am……but on days like today I realize the huge difference’s between my two oldest this is something that should excite me and I should treasure their individual characteristics but this morning it only made me wish I could give my oldest some of my middles courage and my middle some of my oldest fears just to balance it out a bit……

my middle child  is starting a new school…..starting a new chapter in his life, he left this morning with excitement in his voice and his step to be starting middle school …on his own for the first time… his youngest sister still in elementary school and his oldest off to High School …haha…he was out of the shower and dressed this morning by 6:30…..no fear whatsoever about this new independence, he is just truly excited to be growing up I see that as such a wonderful attitude for him to take ,I’m sure he is hiding his fears very well so that he looks tough and brave …..and that is ok because they are not paralyzing him they are just motivating him.

My oldest so wants to be brave like her little brother, but as she went off to catch the city bus for the first time…. for her very first day of High School she had fear written all over her face ,it didn’t matter how many times I told her it would be ok and once she faces her fears they will go away ….so I let her walk out the door with tears in her eyes …..and it broke my heart …..I understand her fears so I sit here and wonder did I react the right way?.. Her friends got rides to school today from their parents …I’m off today I could have driven her ….did I push too hard this time should I have been more gentle…should I have driven her ….I know she is brave and I know she is strong which is why I didn’t drive her and sent her to face her fears on her own this time….but I still wonder…”what if” …it’s too much for her this time… I really dislike this” what if” feeling …haha…

but you see this  ”what if” feeling does not come by for no reason this is the same little girl who has always loved school even when she brings home a C …..and this is the same little girl who has wanted  to become a Teacher since she was 5 years old …..and this is the same little girl who braved school even when she was bullied, nothing has ever discouraged her nothing has ever stopped her from wanting to go to school….

But this is also the same little girl who would not go knock on her friend’s door by her self because she’s scared and not sure why(she lived next door!) …..she is also the same little girl who will go on a date with her Boyfriend and want me to pick her up because she doesn’t want to impose on his Mother to drive her home even when she is with them ……

And now at this moment she doesn’t want to go to school ……her favorite place

So to send her off this morning with tears in her eyes was very difficult …..and I will probably spend the day wondering how her day has turned out …..which is why I can’t wait for her to get home to tell me that she did it ….and she figured it out and didn’t get lost ….that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be…..that I didn’t scar her for the rest of her life …..haha….that this is how Life will Become Her……well I guess all I can do is text her at lunch tell her I love her and hopefully she will spread her wings and fly….(and this is High School and you imagine Collage…lol)

now my youngest I can’t forget about her …..she also is starting a new Chapter year ….this is the year she has waited 3 years for……this is the year she gets to play on the other side of the school yard.. the big kids playground so she left this morning very excited to enter grade 3 because she has eyed that play ground for 3 years now…haha

so I will sit here in my quite home on my day off and wait for my children to come home and tell me all about their new teachers….new classes….new year…..

and this is how My Life Becomes Me…….

as I was writing my last post I came to another realization….. for some one who is a perfectionist I love imperfections in other things ….I see myself as such a contradiction that I really baffle my self sometimes..lol

for one thing…I don’t expect perfection from others I only expect perfection from my self?

my favorite things are things made from nature things like wood and clay which can never be perfect. Wood from a tree is beautiful in all its imperfections and I love those imperfections that has come from growing in nature …it is bendable and you can create with it …I love the way that when a tree has been cut down and becomes a piece of furniture and comes to live in your home,and its new life begins, then after many years of living as apart of your family it will also get new imperfections and scars if you like…. from its new life everything from a new puppy chewing the leg of a table to a new baby banging his fork and denting the top of the same table …because 30 years later you look at all these scars and it tells its story ……it tells your story…so to me it never really dies…..

Now when I think about clay I think about all the different things it can become all the things people can interpret with the ability to change it to make it what you want to mold it into anything you want but once you have molded it you can’t change it….. once the creation is complete that’s it its hard and is unbendable….I was at a festival of friends one year many years ago and their was a craftsman that made pottery from clay everything from plates to roasting pots ….. I fell in love with his art (Bailey Brown is his name out of Ontario) ….what I loved about them was how not a single one was the same…..not one of them was perfectly round nor were they the same size or painted the exactly the same each one was unique and created to be just as it should….I have been collecting his dishes since then I now have 5 place settings it is a slow process but one day I will have a complete set of 10 that is my goal I think… now I use these dishes as my good dishes because that is what they are for of course.

Now the difference between these two is there make up…..how they continue to live through us…. the wood is bendable and changes with time. Clay once it has been molded it doesn’t change it still doesn’t bend if it gets broken its broken for good sure you can try to glue it together but it’s still broken. I can still see the beauty in it but unlike wood you can’t sand it down and fix it…see the contradiction one is susceptible to change and one is not ……yet I find the beauty in both.

now I’m sure there are many ways to interpret what I have just written and I’m sure that if I really analyze I could go deeper …lol….

but for now my point is that I can see how I am a contradiction even to myself to be a perfectionist and love imperfect things and once again I realize how I can see both sides of the coin and how confusing that can be sometimes…..

and that is how Life Becomes Me