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Monthly Archives: March 2011

Lost Trust

Today I went to check out the daily press and the question was How do you recover lost trust and how do you learn to forgive, can you possibly learn to trust them again….. why or why not?

This is something that I know about I may even be an expert on…ha-ha

if you have lost someones trust or someone has lost your trust how do you get over that stumbling block…how do you forgive. I’m sure you have all heard the term to forgive and to forget ….Havent you?

Well that is easer said then done!!

I think that to forgive someone you need to understand where and how the trust was lost in the first place.Once you can see that!! then you may have the ability to make the call of how you are going to deal with the lost trust…..only each individual can decide whether they are able to recover that lost trust .

I have experienced many different lost trusts in many formes and maybe it’s just me but I think I am one of the lucky ones because I have been able to forgive many lost trust’s…I bevieve that to forgive is to grow and learn some things are harder to forgive than others..and somethings may not be forgotten…I may even come across something one day that I would not be capable of forgiving ..who knows what life has in store for me

..I also believe that some times when the pain is so deep it is much harder and takes a certain type of person,it takes time to forgive …the time needed for that forgiveness also depends upon each individuals internal process

Not every one can do it and maybe not all lost trusts will be recovered only time can tell ….

I think if you ever want to be able to heal it has to be by all parties involved if there is even one ounce of doubt by anyone the healing will not happen because someone will still feel the betrayed even if it is hidden …..this brings me to opening your self up for honesty and vaulnranbility…..and to healing yourself I think that you have to willing to open up in all ways to your self and to others

you must be willing to see how a person has come to the crossroad that has led them to the point of being able to lose the trust in the first place. Unless you can see all points of views you will never be able to trust again nor will you ever be able to forgive.

To forgive someone does not mean they have earned your trust !

to forgive someone for losing your trust in the first place does not give them the right to think that once they have been forgiven they have a clean slate because I think that if someone is able to forgive something that has hurt them that is just the beginning of the healing process not the end because the end is when you feel deep down inside that they have earned your trust again.

some people may think that people who forgive are push overs and weak but I think that the person who can find it in their heart to forgive is a person who is Strong and courageous ….to have Lost Trust is one of the most painful things to experience ….to learn and grow from that kind of pain takes a lot of strength

but to heal is to forgive and to forgive is to heal I don’t think you can do one without the other.these are individual choices and you must be open to change in life because this is how you grow.

That is how Life Becomes me! 🙂

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Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Change, Choices, life, Uncategorized

 

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A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS

I’m feeling a little home sick now so this is to all my girlfriends out there…wishing I was a little closer to home

Those of you who have read this post before I didn’t write it but I love to share it is worth the read….

Some will always be prettier.
Some will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger.
Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it! The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes~~~~ might be lonely.
And the word says, “If I have not Love, I am nothing.” So, again, love you. Love who you are. Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say, “I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!” “Winners make things happen~~ Losers let things happen.” Be “blessed” ladies~~~~~ and pass this on to encourage another woman.
“To the world you might be one person, but to the one person who just read it……. it could mean the world.” !

I look forward to seeing you soon 🙂

 
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Posted by on March 29, 2011 in life

 

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What’s Next ?

I get inspirational quotes sent to me  as a reminder of who I am and who I want to become

todays quote hits home with me more than others because this is how I believe we should live our lives everyday.

“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”
– Gilda Radner

I think I enjoy not knowing what is going to happen next that way life is never boring and who likes boring…

How do you deal with what Life throws at you and how do you let it change you?

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2011 in Change, life, Uncategorized

 

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Moments Like this…..

I would Just like to share with the world what it is that makes being a Mom all worth while ….

I recently had a birthday and while I was at work my 3 Beautiful children were hard at work making home-made cards for me …Because they are my favorite ,if you have put thought and effort into something to me that is the most important thing… to me that means you care…..and all 3 cards were just like them they truly showed their individual personalities….they are keepers…lol

Now on top of these beautiful cards they very carefully searched up a cake recipe on-line and baked me a cake….From scratch mind you …..I have 2 boxes of cake mix in my cupboard and they did not use them ….they topped the cake with writing icing in my 2 favourite colours Blue and Yellow….it was beautiful….I don’t like icing so the criss cross of little skinny lines was perfection for me

But MY moment the one that brings the water works to my eyes ( I know those of you who know me know that I am an emotional waterworks but those emotions are what makes you feel alive) is when my Oldest told me that her father had called and told her that she should make me a cake, with a great big smile on her face she tells me that she had already done it!!! at that moment her confidence ,her pride just shone through,that is what it’s all about  

and That is how Life Becomes ME……

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2011 in life

 

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My Move Accross Canada

I moved away from my family and friends a few years back it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Moving far, far away from the ones that drive you crazy and keep you sane all at the same time….lol … I think that there is nothing in the world other then family that you could possibly love and that can also drive you crazy all at once. It is something I have never regretted because I invite change, I challenge change to try and hinder my life…lol….change is what inspires growth, so as you can see I refuse to give regret the power it needs to hinder MY life…..I have experienced many things that others could only imagine…..I have traveled across Canada to follow my partner through his journey through life and I as with all change comes growth…..I have fed my caterpillar and she is slowly beginning to change…..

I wrote this account of my Move to the North West Territories way back in 08 to tell my tale to my family and friends back home I read it and re-read it and added the things that I didn’t think were important the first time around …

I had a uh-ha!! moment one time while cooking breakfast for some fishermen and listening to they’re fishing stories (another lessons learned.. time in my life) when I thought to myself ….If everything happened according to plan then one would never have any stories to tell……and well…. what fun is that!!! …. LOL

I hope you enjoy it

I have decided to account my trip in a note so I only have to write it once… (ok it’s more a short story…lol but it’s a true short story..lol)

Day 1:Mon.Aug.25
This is it …Away we go…stop at my favourite Tim Horton’s for my last one from my home town till who knows when…then off to see what life has in store for us on the other side of Canada….We left at about 2:00 pm when the truck was finely loaded (thanks to my amazing family for all that help) we drove to just about king City (just outside of Richmond Hill) and the U-haul broke down…..My partner thinks it’s the tranny….Garr…this was about 4:00 PM….huh !! 2 hrs in…. guess we know what life decided to have in store for us today ..lol.. Called head office of the rental company and they said they would get someone out as soon as they could and please do not leave the truck unattended….we can do that we were able to pull off the hwy…….10:30pm still at the side of the hwy this is 6.5 hrs in (with 3 children…and they have had enough (I’ve had enough) …so we called and told them we will be finding a place for the night….again they say but you are NOT ALLOWED to leave the truck unattended…..sorry we have children that need a bed!!!! (all of this is going back and forth to phone booths because you know we didn’t have cell phones at the time (because if I’m out I’m busy!!)….so by 12:00am we finely find a hotel that has a room for us…no pets…HA we get in there and the washroom is mould infested but NO PETS! you have to be kidding me!!!….so we call the U-haul company and l give them the # for them to call us so my partner can meet them with the keys when they show up. I get my Billy my cat and Buster Brown my dog settled in the truck for the night good thing it’s the end of August… and we crawl into bed and crash for the night!!

Day 2:Tues.Aug.26
woke up 8:00am call U-haul to see if they found anyone to tow us or fix it (because they never called us)….they say they picked it up at 7:00am but couldn’t get a hold of us….huh!! did we not give them our # at the Motel last night ???….Where did they take it & how do we get there? …..Brampton ok we are on our way……..10:00am I take the kids to McDonald’s across the road and my partner goes to talk to the people in the U-Haul……then he comes in just before 11:00 am and says they have to talk to head office and we have to come back in an hour…..we return and they ask us to come back in a couple of hours..ok they still don’t know ……come back in another hour…..2:00pm we finely get an answer they are sorry but it will take 3 weeks to get a new tranny in… so sign this waver and here are your options…. you can wait for it at your expense….. or….. you have to unload it all at your expense and reload another truck…….A EXCUSE ME!!!….or…. you can supervise as WE(the rental company) unload and reload into another truck….OK sounds good…. sorry #3 is not an option we don’t have the man power and no they can’t afford to let even one person help you either…..hah!!!…do you see where this is going….ha-ha

so let’s get this straight ……..
#1 : 3 wks to fix (not really an option we have to be on the other side of the country in 2 weeks)
#2 : we unload…and then re-load another truck
#3 : they unload and re-load another truck(not allowed to pick that one remember )

#2 it is !!!! after much arguing about why it takes them 3 weeks to fix a tranny and others 12-24hrs…….and why not a one of the 10 Men we see walking around in uniform doing nothing could not be spared to help us unload??? we start looking for Moving companies…….not so easy because now it’s the last week of Aug. and 4:00pm by now……….ok lets get a Motel get these kids (who are being the best children ever!!!!! by the way for being in U-haul all day) some TV or something (we did go MacDonald’s for lunch…with play land)……..Motel 6 nice place No mould…..and takes pets….things are looking up ..LOL…..start calling for movers Head office will reimburse us up to $200.00 for movers…… after a few phone calls we find out it’s min.$400.00 for movers…LOL of course…and that is only if we can find one to do it on the last week of Aug….really!!! but am I really surprised…uh NO…lol

Day 3: Wed.Aug.27
Wake UP!!!!! …..we are sooooo tired and haven’t done anything yet….9:00am we crawl out of bed back to McDonalds…..ugh!!!!! still trying to find movers……and My partner being the stubborn man that he is, refused to call family for help he says they helped enough….(ok and they helped only because I asked for help he never would have!!) they give us a truck and we start unloading …..11:00am I’m still trying to get movers….can they call us back(still no cell)U-Haul says in Not so Nice tone ….. if they can get through they will let us know if we get a call…..ugh!!!!……and I must wait in line to use the phone to call them back…..this office wins the award for the worst service EVER!!!!….. so I then decide to go next door to ReMax and see if they will let me use the phone….of course I can ….sure…anything to help… call # I don’t remember and….two small men with big harts will help…. Yaaa!!!!…..they just have to finish another move and they will send us 2-3 guys it should be about 4:00pm they ask us to call them back at 4 to see where they are …..thank you!!! .. Thank you!!!!!….things are looking up again….ok by then its 1:00pm we have unloaded since about 10am mostly my partner because I’ve been on the phone trying to find movers…The kids are still amazing!!!!….sure you can ride your bikes they’re unpacked anyways…. but only between the 2 Trucks…..still moving things from one truck to the other the more we get done before the guys from the moving company get here the faster it will be done….as we are working a gentleman from ReMax comes to help us (with heart condition by the way) what a saint this man was and he wouldn’t take no as an answer, Now during all this moving furniture and boxes we see u-haul employees sitting and watching us unload and it is really really getting partner’s goat……but we keep trekking along ..ha-ha what else con we do…lol…4:00 call I go back to ReMax to call the movers….no they still are not done call back at 5……we are almost done !!!….woo hoo!!!
just the boat and really big stuff left …..oh no not much room left and we are not sure what we did wrong ..but you know when you take something new out of a well packed box, you know you will never get it back in the same way…lol….so come 5:00 pm I call the movers and no they still are not done but almost they will be done soon…..go eat and wait till the movers come see if they can figure this box out?………6:30pm…….their here…. we feed them pizza and pop they help with boat and the rest of the stuff all done!!!!! and it’s only 7:45pm….and $400.00 later the movers are gone (oh ya ) the gas 1/4 tank in the truck!!!! hay isn’t that just like the first one only it’s still full because we filled it and only drove for 2hrs …….guess that ‘s another 200.00 to fill this one…….after an hour of fighting again they reimbursed the 200.00 for the gas….back to motel 6 we’ll leave in the morning.

Day 4: Thurs.Aug.28
omg! we are leaving Brampton…….9:30am after breakfast and a stop at Timmies… we are on our way….hehehe…3.1/2hrs later we need gas again …..great we got a gas guzzler….we decided to take hwy #11 so we miss all the hills maybe less gas….New Liskard…. I am sooo tired I think the stress from the past 4 days is starting to kick in…oh NO!!!!! I see smoke coming out from the u-haul’s tires………GREAT……we decide to stop for the night …..pool…pets…arcade….food…..ok…..we can do this…. lets let the U-Haul cool down for the night…….kids had fun yaaa!!!!…all’s well with happy kids…ha-ha

Day 5: Fri.Aug.29
off we go again…8:00am Thunder bay here we come!!! should be their by 6 maybe visit Connie(a friend)…9:00pm finely we stop kids are cranky….partner is cranky….ok maybe I’m Cranky….and we are only in Nipigon…..only stopped for lunch at 1 and dinner at 6 and gas……so much for visiting…..No more smoke from truck’s tires….things are looking good …guess life decided to give us good day even if it did take us longer then we had expected…. whew!!!…..nothing exciting just tired…..off to bed.

Day 6: Sat.Aug.30
uh-oh!! off at 10:30am …we didn’t wake up……. WILL I EVER BE OUT OF ONTARIO!!!!!
promised my son before we left we would be at a Motel by 5:00 today to watch a movie he has waited for all month long on YTV…..Boy is he spoiled…lol ..ok but we should be in Yellowknife by now and they were really really good at U-Haul…..so another short day and we stop in Kanora I think……it’s becoming all a blur by now….still in Ontario though… it just won’t let go! it won’t let us leave!….agh! …….we stop rush in and get the last 15min of the movie ……..time change…… what a waste of a night could have gotten to Winnipeg…..oh well we can get a good night sleep and maybe our energy will return…lol

Day 7: Sun.Aug.31
off at 9:00am ok that’s better…..we break free!!!!! Ontario has lost its grip!!!… this day very uneventful thank god I need a break…lol Stopped in Saskatoon

Day 8: Mon.Sept.1
Guess the kids won’t start school on the 2nd oh well ……make it to Alberta….lets go shopping….School stuff….new camera….I can take pic now….I see the end! we stop in Edmonton Travelodge… pool….waterslide…pets….food…good

Day 9: Tues.Sept.2
I think we’ll stay an extra day at the poolside, I think we’ve earned it ….lol

Day 10: Wed.Sept.3
well rested off 9:00am want to make it to Enterprise by tonight….My Baby girl does not look to good….stop for lunch she feels really hot she has a fever….Great….I don’t feel all that great either….can’t check her temp forgot to leave a thermometer out….stop and get meds…for her to take since I can’t check her temp…. and spend 1hr trying to get her to take it(she hates med’s but she feels really hot ……My partner almost ran out of gas…now he is really cranky …..and we crawl in to High Level at 9:30pm…… need a Motel My baby needs a bed ..I need a bed…. one day left tomorrow we will be there……

Day 11: Thurs.Sept.4
we are off 9:00 am was up till 1:00 am doing laundry in the Motel and making sure everything was packed we needed clean cloths we only packed for 5days not 11 and this was the first place that had laundry…

ok I’m pumped we are almost there it may be a long day but we will arrive…oh my there really is nothing…. absolutely nothing but wilderness and Buffalo for the whole drive ..we arrive at the ferry kids are excited never been on one before last gas station till we arrive in Yellowknife better fill up or we wont make it and we end up on the side of the road with no gas and nothing around for hundreds of km…lol…. ..hehe…I see a sign 95km till Yellowknife 2hrs to go U-Hauls very slow……oh no !!!!!! what was that bang…… oh no !!!!It’s raining Tires……U-Haul tires……I can now laugh like the crazy women that I feel like…lol….once again we all climb into the truck that I have been driving and can you pic this ..My partner Driving…my son in the middle and me at the end with Buster Brown ( my dog) on top of my lap(he is an auzzy .. Not a lap dog ..lol…..my oldest daughter….Cat cage which takes up half the seat and my sick baby(ok she is 5 and not really a baby) in the back…..boy does this feel familiar…..didn’t we do this for 3 days in Brampton…lol….but at least we are almost home………..

We arrive at 8:00pm…..I got the giggles…..I think I have lost my mind…..we walk into the our new home that we have been supplied with by my partners work….wow this is nice ….ok bit of a mess they are dry walling the ceiling but I can live here 3 bdrms good……oh hello!!….your name is Mike you live here too……giggles are back…..take a deep breath…..one thing at a time…..lets see if u-haul will be able to get us our truck….. and we can get some warmer cloths …….maybe I’ll just move into the truck…lol..yep that just may be a good idea….because now I just lost a bedroom so now it’s a 2 bedroom……U-Haul spends all night calling us every couple of hours to let us know that they haven’t found us yet…(maybe because we are in the middle of nowhere)…lol…and to let us know that we are NOT ALLOWED to leave their truck unattended….and don’t know who will tow the truck to us…little do they know that there is no cell service just a few km out of town and we’ve done this before do they really think we will stay out there all night when they cant even find us!!!!…….so all 5 of us crawl into the king-size bed that is in the master bedroom and crash……..the dog decided to join us on the bed too we were soooo cozy….

Day 12: Fri.Sept.5
U-Haul found a repair shop they will get the truck sometime today. my partner drove out to get the boat off the U-Haul(the one we were pulling not the one inside)and we got our truck back 8:00pm…..guess I’m not going to get some warm cloths till tomorrow….

Day 13: Sat.Sept.6
we unload some stuff but take our time because U-Haul can wait for their stupid truck for all I care and I have to pick and choose what we bring out….you know having a strange man living with us and all….OH and work want’s to know when partner will be back to work is tomorrow good……..ah NO!!!!!!!duh……ok so they want him to tell them by tomorrow if it will be Mon or Tues……Flight left Tues Sept.9th at 7:00am…..(he works out of town).

I get to live with a strange man while my partner lives in another town while he works ……ummm what was I thinking!!!

And I must say that I think I was born to live here I feel very much at Home here in Yellowknife…….OK I may have lost my Mind somewhere in the last few weeks….lol…..and maybe I’ll change my mind after my first winter…lol I guess we’ll see what life has in store for me in the next chapter…..

love and miss you all xoxox
and by the way if my mind wanders back Home could you mail it on back to me

I Think that life has shown me how to take life one day at a time and not only with a grain of salt but with a touch of humour…ha-ha.. Because everything that happens is a chance to grow as a person this is what I have taken from this wonderful voyage…and I let you know how my trip home goes…. if I have any luck it will be just as wonderful….lol

This is how Life Becomes Me….

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2011 in Change, Choices, life, Travel

 

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I am MOM hear me Roar

Once you become a mom…….even if you lose your self one day and find your self the next you are and will always be a mom……no matter how much you need that break from that day-to-day life…….and never will there be anything better than being a mom….Being a mom is more than making lunches playing games or teaching them right from wrong or even tucking them in at night …..it’s also about the feelings they can inspire in you from pulling your hair out feelings to catch your breath ah-ha! moments…..boy do I love those moments 🙂 they are the best aren’t they …lol

there are sooo many things children can do to your body and I’m not just talking about stretch marks….lol…and all of them wonderful in their own way all because they wrap their tiny hand around your finger that first time…..it’s amazing how you forget everything else after that moment. being a mom is all about those moments.

One of my most memorial pull your hair and can’t breathe moments was my first-born first day of school….I remember standing at the bus stop and sending her off for that first time and thinking this is it my baby is all grown up …haha… what a thought at the ripe old age of 4 1/2 all grown up…she was so excited she couldn’t wait to start school and to this day she was the most excited out of the 3 of my children.

I remember the tears rolling down my cheeks and her father making fun of me because all I could think about was my fears of her not being on the bus at the end of the day …..I remember having nightmares for a week before school started and in my dream I’m standing there and the doors of the bus open and all the children come off the bus but not my daughter ……I think that for me it was a heart stopping feeling these fears of her not getting off that bus….but I know that they are only the irrational fears of a first time mom so I calm down and start my day at work…..

At the end of the day I stand at the bus stop waiting and there it is that beautiful yellow school bus …and I’m standing there with the video camera ….the doors open …..the kids start piling out ……and there it is My Daughter is NOT on the bus…..my head starts spinning I can’t breathe and all rational thought goes out the window …lol my brain completely stops working now I live in a very small town the bus driver tells me to get on the bus and he will take me back to the school …so I hop on !!!! duh!!! …..for future reference if this ever happens to you DO NOT GET ON THE BUS ……drive yourself it will be much quicker…..the bus driver still had to make the rest of his stops…you know so the rest of those parents out there don’t have heart attacks because their children didn’t come home…lol

remember I lost my mind …haha…..as we pull up to my child’s school I see standing outside the front doors my daughters teacher and there holding her hand is my beautiful little girl….i had never seen such a beautiful sight as the bus driver opens the doors and I step down off the bus I held out my arms with tears rolling down my cheeks and my all grown up little girl runs into my arms and she look at me and says

Mommy YOU get to ride the bus too!!!

and I started laughing so hard…..little did she know the fear I had just gone through all because the school couldn’t remember what bus to put her on….. but to my little girl it was just the coolest thing that her mommy came on the bus to pick her up from school …..

Today I had another one of those moments the kind that I will remember every detail of.

I watched my son he is my middle child (and yes the middle child syndrome is true..lol) in his last indoor soccer game (I live in the Northwest Territories so indoor soccer is what we play for most of the year). I watched on the edge of my seat by the way…..one of the most intense games of the season I thought about how they played back in the beginning and admired how they have really grown as a team….I was proud to watch my son the way he handled him self with every game lost and every game won…..I was impressed by the maturity level of these 9-11 yr olds….they didn’t brag or gloat about the win just so they wouldn’t make the other team feel bad and when they were done my son comes to me and says I don’t think we should have won but the ref wouldn’t listen to us I think the goalie had the ball…..right at that moment was my wow!! moment my son who by the way is very competitive and wont play board games because he hates to lose and if he doesn’t get to play his way will end the game….has just told me that HE doesn’t think that they should have won that the game (which was in overtime) was not over he feels like the other team was cheated out of their shot at the Bronze medal (they were playing for 3rd place)….so there it is…. my wow!! moment… he really gets it !!!!

I am MOM hear me roar…haha……yes these moments that’s what it’s all about.

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2011 in life, Uncategorized

 

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Honesty & Vulnerability

Honesty & Vulnerability……..these are two very scary words, many people see these two words and their guard go’s up…

Honesty…..every person will say they want complete honesty but do they really? I think they want others completely honest with them but are they willing to become completely honest with others or even with them selves?

When you are completely honest you open your self up to becoming vulnerable to others are you willing to do that?

I have taken that challenge upon my self this year ,this is not a resolution this is a conscious decision that I have made to my self…. I have never considered my self a liar…. but yes I have told those little white lies just like everyone else nothing that could hurt anyone but those little ones like …No he’s not here can I take a message….or no you don’t look tired….or no I’m doing just fine!

But not any more you ask I will answer to the best of my ability.I’m sure that many think they are already doing this but the first place you need to look to really see if you are is in the mirror….can you really say that you are completely honest with your self? Because you are the first person you will lie to …..and that is one person you should always be honest with so that is what I am doing, I have spent the last several months reflecting upon myself to really get to know me and boy is that an eye opener that honesty to ones self is how you really get to know who you are and who you want to become.  

It really is amazing how your mind will work…..all you need is one thing in your life….that one thing that is the most important thing in the world to change to make you stop dead in your tracks and look in the mirror 

Vulnerability is what happens next when you open yourself up to become honest like that and that is the scariest thing to deal with…. your vulnerability can hurt you …it can paralyze you …yes it can also be painful…

What you may not know is it can also feed your soul… it is also invigorating and freeing …it also help’s you grow into the most beautiful person inside and out……it is not easy…I know but I think it’s worth it… 

Honesty and Vulnerability …….caterpillar to Butterfly……feed your soul and you will fly

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2011 in life

 

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