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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Caution!!!!! Comfort Zone

Do you ever notice that even when you want to stretch your mind and grow you still get stuck in you comfort zone ….that unwrapping that blanket is still difficult and you can’t find that opening that you want or even need.

I have really been putting myself to the test this past year….to streach my mind ….my capabilities….I have teetered on the edge a few times…. tripped up over my own feet …. and fallen on my ass…. but every time I pick my self up dust off and write it off as a new learning experience ….I tell myself that it’s something that has stretched my mind just a bit more.

Recently I was away on a training seminar and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to take myself out of my comfort zone ….during this class they asked questions and for every good question and every good answer you would get a ticket for a door prize ……as always as soon as you put a prize into the equation every one try’s just a little harder ….haha…I had no need for the door prize but the challenge on the other hand I thought to my self this is a great opportunity to test myself.

In the past if questions were asked and if I knew the answer I would wait till I heard the answer and if I did know the answer I would give myself a little pat on the back and tell myself see I did know that answer …but I would always stay silent in the back corner and if I got the question wrong I would once again give myself a little pat on the back because I didn’t know the answer and I didn’t make a fool of myself by trying.

As they asked the questions and people answered, I participated like I have never participated before.I learned that when I get called on and I don’t know the answer I still go as red a tomato and my mind really does go blank when I’m put on the spot and I don’t have time to prepare an answer …haha…. but I didn’t know the answer so I was taught the answer and now I know the answer…and when I knew the answer (and I knew more than I thought I would) I put myself out there to be challenged to be asked out of my little comfort zone to have everyone look at me and hear what I have to say ….I don’t know where this feeling comes from because I remember growing up everyone telling me that I was always trying to be the centre of attention …haha…and here I am as a grown women trying to break out of my corner and move up to the front of the class….because somtimes that is my safe place…just sitting in the back and listening and observing ….sometimes it’s nice to have someone other than myself tell me I’m right ….haha…just because I know how to pat myself on the back doesn’t mean I need to.

so I asked and I answered and I collected I think the most tickets out of our little group and I may not have won the door prize but I think my prize was the best because I am now one step closer to stepping out of the corner …I asked and I learned so much more than I ever would have by staying quiet in the back ….I as someone who has spent most of my working life teaching and training others have always told everyone that there is no such thing as a stupid question….and that day I proved it.

and that is how My Life Becomes Me ūüôā

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2011 in Change, Choices, life

 

When are you happiest?

When are you the happiest?
That is today’s question ….. When I first saw this question I though to myself this is an easy one….haha…
Now that I’ve thought about it …not so much …..
There are so many things that can make a person happy and at different times in life it can change, depending on where a person is emotionally will also depend on what can and will make them the happiest.
At one point in my life what made me happiest was being pregnant and not having a miscarriage ….yet today it was having my 8-year-old get herself dressed and ready for school without an argument ….haha… See how much it can change from year to year.
Some days what makes me happiest is not having to be the referee between my children …or even between my partner and my children.
Other days it’s creating an amazing kitchen design that my customer loves.
I think what makes me the happiest is seeing my children confident and happy and ready to conquer the world.

what makes you happy will always change so take your happy moments treasure them all because when you appreciate them all they will all make you the happiest.

That is how My Life Becomes Me….

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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A new year Begins

Cover of "Back To School (Extra-Curricula...

Cover via Amazon

As all the parents spend the day rejoicing in the fact that once again their children are off to school for yet another year …..I am sitting here worried about what the new year will bring me…..

I had a very good first back to school morning everything went without a hitch my two youngest were up and dressed full of excitement before 7am …..and even my oldest was ready by 7:30am……but on days like today I realize the huge difference’s between my two oldest this is something that should excite me and I should treasure their individual characteristics but this morning it only made me wish I could give my oldest some of my middles courage and my middle some of my oldest fears just to balance it out a bit……

my middle child is starting a new school…..starting a new chapter in his life, he left this morning with excitement in his voice and his step to be starting middle school …on his own for the first time… his youngest sister still in elementary school and his oldest off to High School …haha…he was out of the shower and dressed this morning by 6:30…..no fear whatsoever about this new independence, he is just truly excited to be growing up I see that as such a wonderful attitude for him to take ,I’m sure he is hiding his fears very well so that he looks tough and brave …..and that is ok because they are not paralyzing him they are just motivating him.

My oldest so wants to be brave like her little brother, but as she went off to catch the city bus for the first time…. for her very first day of High School she had fear written all over her face ,it didn’t matter how many times I told her it would be ok and once she faces her fears they will go away ….so I let her walk out the door with tears in her eyes …..and it broke my heart …..I understand her fears so I sit here and wonder did I react the right way?.. Her friends got rides to school today from their parents …I’m off today I could have driven her ….did I push too hard this time should I have been more gentle…should I have driven her ….I know she is brave and I know she is strong which is why I didn’t drive her and sent her to face her fears on her own this time….but I still wonder…”what if” …it’s too much for her this time… I really dislike this” what if” feeling …haha…

but you see this “what if” feeling does not come by for no reason this is the same little girl who has always loved school even when she brings home a C …..and this is the same little girl who has wanted to become a Teacher since she was 5 years old …..and this is the same little girl who braved school even when she was bullied, nothing has ever discouraged her nothing has ever stopped her from wanting to go to school….

But this is also the same little girl who would not go knock on her friend’s door by her self because she’s scared and not sure why(she lived next door!) …..she is also the same little girl who will go on a date with her Boyfriend and want me to pick her up because she doesn’t want to impose on his Mother to drive her home even when she is with them ……

And now at this moment she doesn’t want to go to school ……her favorite place

So to send her off this morning with tears in her eyes was very difficult …..and I will probably spend the day wondering how her day has turned out …..which is why I can’t wait for her to get home to tell me that she did it ….and she figured it out and didn’t get lost ….that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be…..that I didn’t scar her for the rest of her life …..haha….that this is how Life will Become Her……well I guess all I can do is text her at lunch tell her I love her and hopefully she will spread her wings and fly….(and this is High School can you imagine Collage…lol)

now my youngest I can’t forget about her …..she also is starting a new Chapter year ….this is the year she has waited 3 years for……this is the year she gets to play on the other side of the school yard.. the big kids playground so she left this morning very excited to enter grade 3 because she has eyed that play ground for 3 years now…haha ūüôā

so I will sit here in my quite home on my day off and wait for my children to come home and tell me all about their new teachers….new classes….new year…..

and this is how My Life Becomes Me…….

 
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Posted by on September 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Two sides of the same coin.

as I was writing my last post I came to another realization….. for some one who is a perfectionist I love imperfections in other things ….I see myself as such a contradiction that I really baffle my self sometimes..lol

for one thing…I don’t expect perfection from others I only expect perfection from my self?

my favorite things are things made from nature things like wood and clay which can never be perfect. Wood from a tree is beautiful in all its imperfections and I love those imperfections that has come from growing in nature …it is bendable and you can create with it …I love the way that when a tree has been cut down and becomes a piece of furniture and comes to live in your home,and its new life begins, then after many years of living as apart of your family it will also get new imperfections and scars if you like…. from its new life everything from a new puppy chewing the leg of a table to a new baby banging his fork and denting the top of the same table …because 30 years later you look at all these scars and it tells its story ……it tells your story…so to me it never really dies…..

Now when I think about clay I think about all the different things it can become all the things people can interpret with the ability to change it to make it what you want to mold it into anything you want but once you have molded it you can’t change it….. once the creation is complete that’s it its hard and is unbendable….I was at a festival of friends one year many years ago and their was a craftsman that made pottery from clay everything from plates to roasting pots ….. I fell in love with his art (Bailey Brown is his name out of Ontario) ….what I loved about them was how not a single one was the same…..not one of them was perfectly round nor were they the same size or painted the exactly the same each one was unique and created to be just as it should….I have been collecting his dishes since then I now have 5 place settings it is a slow process but one day I will have a complete set of 10 that is my goal I think… now I use these dishes as my good dishes because that is what they are for of course.

Now the difference between these two is there make up…..how they continue to live through us…. the wood is bendable and changes with time. Clay once it has been molded it doesn’t change it still doesn’t bend if it gets broken its broken for good sure you can try to glue it together but it’s still broken. I can still see the beauty in it but unlike wood you can’t sand it down and fix it…see the contradiction one is susceptible to change and one is not ……yet I find the beauty in both.

now I’m sure there are many ways to interpret what I have just written and I’m sure that if I really analyze I could go deeper …lol….

but for now my point is that I can see how I am a contradiction even to myself to be a perfectionist and love imperfect things and once again I realize how I can see both sides of the coin and how confusing that can be sometimes…..

and that is how Life Becomes Me ūüôā

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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No more Fluff !!

So enough of the fluff…..haha….lets see if I can get back to¬†business…..and get re-inspired……

I’ve been thinking about my last post about how I am¬†perceived¬†by others and I said that I was the one “surprised” because I am who I say I am and the comment I¬†received¬†was beautiful….I have printed it out and keep it close by to come back to. I love what Danielle wrote…. who I would like to add is my mom ūüôā . I love you and ….all your eccentric ways because if it was not for you I would not have this ability to search to question and learn and to evolve in life….to be who I am and who I aspire to be ….so thank you.

When I wrote that I was the one “surprised”¬†I was¬†actually¬†pleased in a way that no one had anything to say because to me that told me that I really do live as I say…. I don’t have any¬†pretense¬†and every one can take me at face value….and that pleases me because I have always tried to be honest and true to myself as well as to others….although since then I have had several comments about it…of course after the fact ….but hey better late then never …..haha…. one was they were surprised that I like so many different types ¬†of music from Kesha-AC/DC-to Dolly Parton -Taylor Swift ……but the way I see it is it doesn’t matter what the¬†genre because¬†if it’s good it’s good ……maybe it’s because I think I can see beauty in just about anything …..I can see the good in everyone and everything…..as well as a purpose in all those things…..

now someone else told me that they were¬†surprised¬†to learn¬†recently that I am a bit of a perfectionist (a little OCD) on some¬†things …lol…but you see they were not the only ones¬†surprised on that one I have always known on some aspect about how some things I like done a certain way but I can always take a deep breath and let it be….I have always been able to work through it I’m happy to say ….but I had a¬†revelation a couple of weeks ago at work …..we are in the process of doing an overhaul on the way we do things at work because we can sometimes get sooooo busy that I feel like I am a chicken with her head cut off….haha…..so ¬†the Human¬†Resource¬†girl is doing some of the tedious work like creating work sheets and such for us now…..and when she first started doing this I didn’t complain about any of it because I truly do appreciate the help…lol…. but it didn’t take long before I just couldn’t deal with the little imperfections of the papers ….things like the pages not being¬†centered or crooked when photocopied….it got to the point that I could not look at the pages!!!!……boy did that open my eyes then I looked into my self to see where else this has affected my life and that is when I had my revelation ….no wonder I have such a hard time getting my work done I spent so much time doubting my work…… and I keep going back¬†until¬†it’s perfect…….it was like WOW I get it ….really I do!!!…..I love when that happens because now I can do something about it ¬†I can fix my little crooked lines now that I see them…lol….Because you know I am a perfectionist ….I have to fix it …..lol….but I can also see the¬†humor in the fact that I feel the need to fix it …..to fix me….witch is quite silly really because their is not such thing as perfection …..I am the first one to admit it….haha….

Now this brings me back to this¬†revelation…..now that I see this and I accept the fact that I have this issue with perfection ¬†I can see the good and bad of it …..

for one thing I am dedicated in giving my best and giving my all and that I don’t do anything I put my mind to with half a heart ….but because of it I can also see that if left unchecked it could become a serious issue and could set me back.

now one more thing that I think was a¬†surprise¬†to my kids was my hair (yet they never really commented on it)…..when I was a teenager I would change my hair probably as often as someone would change their cloths……haha….it really sucked when it got so short that I would have to let it grow before I would be able to cut it again but even the growing process would change it again. When I started having kids I stopped getting my hair done all the time….. one reason was my partner didn’t like short hair and then I was more concerned about spending my money on more important things…..Then I hit 30!! oh boy was that a wake up call….my kids had Funky hair day at school and I had so much fun doing their hair that morning and then that afternoon I went out and got my hair done when they got home from school my oldest ,who was 6 at the time looked at me and said ……”um mom it was funky hair day for us….not you ?”….hahaha….I came home with orange and yellow hair is what she called it ….haha….I called it copper and blond …..and since then I’ve gone red …..and purple …..haha….maybe it will be pink or blue next. or even short again…..haha (although I think now my oldest may not want to be seen with me if I do go pink or blue)…haha…because she says I’m weird….haha.

as my mom said “We are Life expressing itself in our each unique way”

and That is how My Life Becomes Me.

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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