As all the parents spend the day rejoicing in the fact that once again their children are off to school for yet another year …..I am sitting here worried about what the new year will bring me…..
I had a very good first back to school morning everything went without a hitch my two youngest were up and dressed full of excitement before 7am …..and even my oldest was ready by 7:30am……but on days like today I realize the huge difference’s between my two oldest this is something that should excite me and I should treasure their individual characteristics but this morning it only made me wish I could give my oldest some of my middles courage and my middle some of my oldest fears just to balance it out a bit……
my middle child is starting a new school…..starting a new chapter in his life, he left this morning with excitement in his voice and his step to be starting middle school …on his own for the first time… his youngest sister still in elementary school and his oldest off to High School …haha…he was out of the shower and dressed this morning by 6:30…..no fear whatsoever about this new independence, he is just truly excited to be growing up I see that as such a wonderful attitude for him to take ,I’m sure he is hiding his fears very well so that he looks tough and brave …..and that is ok because they are not paralyzing him they are just motivating him.
My oldest so wants to be brave like her little brother, but as she went off to catch the city bus for the first time…. for her very first day of High School she had fear written all over her face ,it didn’t matter how many times I told her it would be ok and once she faces her fears they will go away ….so I let her walk out the door with tears in her eyes …..and it broke my heart …..I understand her fears so I sit here and wonder did I react the right way?.. Her friends got rides to school today from their parents …I’m off today I could have driven her ….did I push too hard this time should I have been more gentle…should I have driven her ….I know she is brave and I know she is strong which is why I didn’t drive her and sent her to face her fears on her own this time….but I still wonder…”what if” …it’s too much for her this time… I really dislike this” what if” feeling …haha…
but you see this “what if” feeling does not come by for no reason this is the same little girl who has always loved school even when she brings home a C …..and this is the same little girl who has wanted to become a Teacher since she was 5 years old …..and this is the same little girl who braved school even when she was bullied, nothing has ever discouraged her nothing has ever stopped her from wanting to go to school….
But this is also the same little girl who would not go knock on her friend’s door by her self because she’s scared and not sure why(she lived next door!) …..she is also the same little girl who will go on a date with her Boyfriend and want me to pick her up because she doesn’t want to impose on his Mother to drive her home even when she is with them ……
And now at this moment she doesn’t want to go to school ……her favorite place
So to send her off this morning with tears in her eyes was very difficult …..and I will probably spend the day wondering how her day has turned out …..which is why I can’t wait for her to get home to tell me that she did it ….and she figured it out and didn’t get lost ….that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be…..that I didn’t scar her for the rest of her life …..haha….that this is how Life will Become Her……well I guess all I can do is text her at lunch tell her I love her and hopefully she will spread her wings and fly….(and this is High School can you imagine Collage…lol)
now my youngest I can’t forget about her …..she also is starting a new Chapter year ….this is the year she has waited 3 years for……this is the year she gets to play on the other side of the school yard.. the big kids playground so she left this morning very excited to enter grade 3 because she has eyed that play ground for 3 years now…haha 🙂
so I will sit here in my quite home on my day off and wait for my children to come home and tell me all about their new teachers….new classes….new year…..
and this is how My Life Becomes Me…….