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Day 1…..The Departure

Loaded and ready to go!……I however am a coffee addict….an addiction I acknowledge and accept because it’s my last crutch, I only drink alcohol maybe twice a year and I quit smoking 9 years this coming September…and well I like my coffee and I’m OK with not being able to function without it…however our Tim Horton in town does not open till 7 am and my partner will not wait for it to open so my brain can start to function …so away we go!!

6:45 am October 31st 2012 The kids are loaded up its (-20 something)…My partner ,son and dog are in the pick-up. The girls and the EVERYTHING else is in the Jeep with me…the girls can’t even touch the ground with their feet we are so jammed packed…I’m thinking we are a little to jam-packed but I have elbow room and all the sleeping bags and blankets are keeping everything hard from hurting us if anything were to start to fall so all is good.

so off we go as we drive out-of-town and I stare longingly at Tim’s thinking I can make it the 3.5 hours to fort providence to fill up on fuel of all kinds….my brain can work ..I know it can …it’s worth the wait if it means getting a good start home!

I spend the next x amount of hours using up the battery on my iPod listing to music because no radio….no cell…no anything in the middle of nowhere….trying to wake up and enjoy the black morning.

What!!!!oh no I see red lights!!!! can I stop in time… my load is to heavy……swerve around the truck and stop beside him wondering why the heck he stopped ….and was just in time to notice all the Buffalo crossing the road not 3 feet in front of me!!….and then thinking they really do blend in when its dark! As we watch them cross I admired their majestic beauty and I acknowledge that this will be the last time I watch them in their natural habitat, all the while using this time to calm my nerves as I realize I almost killed us!…NEED CAFFEINE!….well maybe not I did just have pretty good reflexes!
Still 2 hours till first pit stop…oh well this was my brains kick start…..I think my brain will work just fine now! ha ha

10:00 am sun is finally up and I think I can smell the coffee from here!…girls have been watching movies and listening to music my oldest is full of chatter and excitement ….and I see it …I smell the coffee I’m almost certain now ..ha ha…we stop get some breakfast and we will need to walk the dog …not the same dog we came with Buster Brown my Aussie passed away last January ….this is my partners new dog Bella a black Lab/husky mix….and she is just a young pup only 1 year and loves to play her favorite games like Eat Mom’s books…and her absolutely favorite game of Catch….but let me explain her rules….

Bella’s Catch Rules:

  • 1: charge through the wall of humans before they get the catch of the leash attached!
  • 2: Run…Run…Run…before said humans can catch you!
  • 3: when You get board Run…Run…Run….really close to said humans and pretend your going to let them catch you!
  • 4: Then Run…Run…Run…away while barking “Run…Run…Run…Catch Me if you CAN!”!
  • 5: and Repeat over and over and over….. until tired!

I must say that however much she loves playing Eat Moms Books she did not get to play that game on this day …however I do believe she did become an expert at Bella’s catch!

almost 4 hours later a raw steak from the restaurant, her favorite snack (an apple)and several almost dives into the Mackenzie River to her death we have 3 happy children a tired puppy and two exhausted parents we head to the ferry crossing for the last time across the River.

so after our excursion with the dog I’m feeling good my partner said he had a bad feeling that something was going to happen when we left this morning so I’m thinking almost losing the dog is the bad feeling all taken care of. Smooth sailing from here on out. Right….right!

guess next stop will have to be High Level because the day is more than half gone and we have to take the youngest trick or treating…off to High Level.

What a long day 1 its been ….15 km out of high level I’m getting excited ..one coffee is not enough and I’m getting hungry.
My oldest would like the pillow I have my arm resting on … throw my phone on the dash lift my arm up and she grabs the pillow as I look over and watch her place her head on the window I look back at the road …..and that’s when I felt it …..a light tug in the back…..

The next thing I know the boat is dragging me into the ditch …..I turned my wheel to try to get it so I can drive back out and not flip and kill us …all the sleeping bags and blankets fall in on my little girl in the back and then we come to a stop with snow spraying up as we get buried from the snow that was dropped the night before! But we are up right and facing the road and the boat almost beside me. My youngest looks up and said why’d we stop? what happened ? why did the stuff fall? and lastly Moomm my movies not over!…

Now I open my door and get out into the knee-high snow to asses the damage and have a break down with out the girls noticing!….my son noticed what happened and my partner stops and pulls over and comes over to start his angry montage at me…..however I don’t know what he was saying, I wasn’t really listening.
I was thanking all the powers that be and the love that keeps me sane that we are all unharmed and looks like undamaged!

within a few min a good Samaritan pulls over to try to pull me out and hooks his chain on my tranny line instead of something solid like the frame …but second time is a charm and we chug along to Canadian tire to get it fixed ….so not completely undamaged now.(Hmmm…Tranny….didn’t I have tranny issues with the U-HAUL on day 1 when we moved TO Yellowknife?…sounds familiar )

looks like we will be staying an extra day in High level! We head to the motel I unload…order dinner
Lets go trick or treating …..partner says I’m grounded….OK you go out in -35 and me and the teens are going swimming then ….see you when you get back!

We are all alive and safe I’m going to remove my stress in the hot tub! (wonder if this one’s a time machine!)

Tomorrow is a New Day!

This is how My Life Becomes me! ūüôā

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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OK Canada…Ready….Set….Go!!

I Figured I should start at the beginning….So I will start with the day My partner decided we could come home for good which is something I truly never believed he would agree to any time soon, and that explained my surprise and why I will never forget that day he made that choice.

He walked into my office¬†in August¬†with a purpose in his walk looked at me an said ” If were going to move it has to be before winter hits…give your notice”

REALLY?…. ok….this is really going to happen ….I waited 2 weeks just to be sure …asked again if we were really doing this, really going home just to be sure

and then gave my 2 months notice…yes 2months…. I¬†wanted to make sure all my orders were complete so the fool who was going to be my replacement wasn’t going to have to deal with my orders because he would have enough headaches with all the work that would pile up on him in a matter of seconds!……I loved my Job but I definitely was not going to miss the stress that came with it. one of my partners issues with my job is he could never understand why I cared so much ….why I couldn’t just give 2 weeks just like everyone else.

my job is part of who I am I could never leave unfinished business to drop on someone else’s lap because then it becomes a mess for someone else to clean up ….and that¬†just isn’t who I am.

so there it is with tears in my eyes (I loved my job and the people I worked for ) I gave my notice went home told my partner¬†….now its time to start packing….start looking for jobs…start looking for a new place to live….and low and behold start looking at my partner in a new way…he is really… really angry now….What… Why?

Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you didn’t mean it ….I¬†hadn’t ¬†realized you didn’t think I would quit my job…..and there it is his signature move get me all excited and then suck the fun out of it!…. some times he is so infuriating!…..but the wheels¬†are in motion¬†and the process has started….guess he shouldn’t have said let’s go¬†home if he didn’t really mean it( I even asked again after I wrote my resignation letter and passed¬†it to him to read it)¬†….so now¬†¬†let’s get on with it ….

my notice is in and¬†WE ARE GOING HOME….4 years is a long time when all your family and friends are on the other side of¬†Canada….

I’ve started packing…throwing things out….and looking for work…looking for a new home….last day of work…ok …I’m tired…we want to leave no later than Oct.31st…before the snow and cold really hit!…..While I’m getting ready for the big move …what’s going on with the rest ¬†of the family…well lets see.

My oldest is already packed. Was packed two weeks after we told her…as she says “can’t wait to leave this place!”

My Middle child …not so happy and seeing the sour look on his fathers face is SO NOT HELPING!…..

My youngest says she has mixed feelings….she is sick of the cold but will miss her best friend….but I bribed her with letting her have a cat if the new place is bigger ….I know ..I bribed her to my side..haha¬†¬†….and my partner ? what is he doing during all this …..don’t really know he isn’t talking to me unless its to yell…….and his ability in never answering question’s I ask is really showing…..

However he has informed me that we are not renting a truck or anything for that matter and I can only bring what will fit in the back of our pick up….the jeep…our little trailer and the boat….everything else must stay and we will buy new when we get home….new furniture WOO HOO!

Job interviews lined up…check!…..new home….ugh! need job first they say! …..that’s ok I tell my partner to ask his mom if¬†we can¬†stay with her till we find a place …she’ll be¬†leaving for¬†Florida any ways and her place will be empty…..free house sitter!

Now it’s our last night everything is packed….Halloween costume …check!…next stop Alberta Small town of¬†Manning…should be there¬†just¬†in time for trick or treating!….the youngest …she’s nine….. it’s in line with Birthdays and Christmas as her most important days of the year!…¬†haha…

To wrap this up in¬†a nice little bow…..my partner regrets¬†deciding to move home …but¬†has accepted the fact that its happening….and is still learning to deal with how he feels¬†about it …but has decided to not share these¬†feelings with me other than¬†show anger…..which fuels my 12-year-old¬†sons anger …..which causes anxiety in my 15-year-old¬†girl….and my 9-year-old just doesn’t want to miss¬†Halloween…..and really wants a new cat… since the family cat died 2 years ago after 18 beautiful years with me….so I’m thinking there will be lots¬†of growing pains with this move back home since they have already started…haha

But if we stay on¬†schedule we’ll be¬†back in Hamilton by¬†November 5th ….and not the 2 weeks it took the first time …..

I’m taking all the anger and stress being thrown at me¬†from everyone else and taking lots of deep breaths because once we are home life will go on and being back around family and friends…regular routines again everything will work out fine…..and everyone will adjust.

I’m also thinking life has been bumpy enough the last 2¬†months and¬†that¬†this trip should be smooth sailing……

You know because¬†moves like that don’t happen twice…Right?

And this is how My Life Becomes Me ūüôā

 
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Posted by on August 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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No more Fluff !!

So enough of the fluff…..haha….lets see if I can get back to¬†business…..and get re-inspired……

I’ve been thinking about my last post about how I am¬†perceived¬†by others and I said that I was the one “surprised” because I am who I say I am and the comment I¬†received¬†was beautiful….I have printed it out and keep it close by to come back to. I love what Danielle wrote…. who I would like to add is my mom ūüôā . I love you and ….all your eccentric ways because if it was not for you I would not have this ability to search to question and learn and to evolve in life….to be who I am and who I aspire to be ….so thank you.

When I wrote that I was the one “surprised”¬†I was¬†actually¬†pleased in a way that no one had anything to say because to me that told me that I really do live as I say…. I don’t have any¬†pretense¬†and every one can take me at face value….and that pleases me because I have always tried to be honest and true to myself as well as to others….although since then I have had several comments about it…of course after the fact ….but hey better late then never …..haha…. one was they were surprised that I like so many different types ¬†of music from Kesha-AC/DC-to Dolly Parton -Taylor Swift ……but the way I see it is it doesn’t matter what the¬†genre because¬†if it’s good it’s good ……maybe it’s because I think I can see beauty in just about anything …..I can see the good in everyone and everything…..as well as a purpose in all those things…..

now someone else told me that they were¬†surprised¬†to learn¬†recently that I am a bit of a perfectionist (a little OCD) on some¬†things …lol…but you see they were not the only ones¬†surprised on that one I have always known on some aspect about how some things I like done a certain way but I can always take a deep breath and let it be….I have always been able to work through it I’m happy to say ….but I had a¬†revelation a couple of weeks ago at work …..we are in the process of doing an overhaul on the way we do things at work because we can sometimes get sooooo busy that I feel like I am a chicken with her head cut off….haha…..so ¬†the Human¬†Resource¬†girl is doing some of the tedious work like creating work sheets and such for us now…..and when she first started doing this I didn’t complain about any of it because I truly do appreciate the help…lol…. but it didn’t take long before I just couldn’t deal with the little imperfections of the papers ….things like the pages not being¬†centered or crooked when photocopied….it got to the point that I could not look at the pages!!!!……boy did that open my eyes then I looked into my self to see where else this has affected my life and that is when I had my revelation ….no wonder I have such a hard time getting my work done I spent so much time doubting my work…… and I keep going back¬†until¬†it’s perfect…….it was like WOW I get it ….really I do!!!…..I love when that happens because now I can do something about it ¬†I can fix my little crooked lines now that I see them…lol….Because you know I am a perfectionist ….I have to fix it …..lol….but I can also see the¬†humor in the fact that I feel the need to fix it …..to fix me….witch is quite silly really because their is not such thing as perfection …..I am the first one to admit it….haha….

Now this brings me back to this¬†revelation…..now that I see this and I accept the fact that I have this issue with perfection ¬†I can see the good and bad of it …..

for one thing I am dedicated in giving my best and giving my all and that I don’t do anything I put my mind to with half a heart ….but because of it I can also see that if left unchecked it could become a serious issue and could set me back.

now one more thing that I think was a¬†surprise¬†to my kids was my hair (yet they never really commented on it)…..when I was a teenager I would change my hair probably as often as someone would change their cloths……haha….it really sucked when it got so short that I would have to let it grow before I would be able to cut it again but even the growing process would change it again. When I started having kids I stopped getting my hair done all the time….. one reason was my partner didn’t like short hair and then I was more concerned about spending my money on more important things…..Then I hit 30!! oh boy was that a wake up call….my kids had Funky hair day at school and I had so much fun doing their hair that morning and then that afternoon I went out and got my hair done when they got home from school my oldest ,who was 6 at the time looked at me and said ……”um mom it was funky hair day for us….not you ?”….hahaha….I came home with orange and yellow hair is what she called it ….haha….I called it copper and blond …..and since then I’ve gone red …..and purple …..haha….maybe it will be pink or blue next. or even short again…..haha (although I think now my oldest may not want to be seen with me if I do go pink or blue)…haha…because she says I’m weird….haha.

as my mom said “We are Life expressing itself in our each unique way”

and That is how My Life Becomes Me.

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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The crazy Mom…..

Glass marbles

Image by asirap via Flickr

  • The crazy Mom……..
  • I think this is me ……..
  • The Crazy Mom……
  • where will she be…
  • The Crazy Mom….
  • That’s right you know who you are….
  • The crazy Mom that’s Me….
so I’m Thinking a little out side to box tonight,I was just remembering several occasions when I became the crazy mom…..
On this particular morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed…..and on this morning I decided that I had enough once again of my children and my partner’s less than tidy habits….because once again this was my one day off and no one tidied up the house on their day off because no one was responsible for telling them to clean up after them selves but me and since I worked on Saturdays nothing ever gets done until I do it on Sundays….
so on this Sunday I must have been P.M.Sing…haha…because I went to that other place……The Crazy MOM place …haha…it all started with the marbles…..and not the ones from my head….haha……I stepped on a marble….and as I am yelling at the children to clean up their things I am picking up the marbles that are all scattered on the living room floor and placing them in the tin that they belong in ……Then it happens…….

I pick up the tin and as I do they all scatter from fear of the repercussions for being in my way and under my feet…..the bottom of the tin was not attached!!!!…….so I glared at the children and my partner….because this was all they’re fault of course……and all three children scatter to pick up marbles……once again not the ones from my head…..so I once again pick up the tin and there it goes again marbles everywhere…..I’m telling you these marbles are really getting to me so for the third time we start picking up the marbles now by this time everyone has become very quiet because they all know ….I’ve made it quite clear that I’m cranky and p.m.sing and haven’t had my morning coffee……so for the last time I pick up that darn tin and wouldn’t you know it …….they all scatter in fear….haha….and that is when I started giggling ….and then the laughter started….and I realized that Crazy Mom will not keep her marbles until she calms down!!!!!!!……….

Of course I was then able to hold on to the bottom of the tin collected my marbles and had my coffee ūüėõ

I wrote this to remind myself because I’m feeling like The Crazy Mom is trying to come out and I thought I would remind myself what happens when she is unleashed…….to avoid losing my marbles!!!!!…..haha

This is How life Becomes Me…… ūüôā

 
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Posted by on June 13, 2011 in Change, Choices, life, week post 2011

 

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Favorite Sounds

Happiness

Image via Wikipedia

What are my favorite sounds? ……

You would think this would be a simple question wouldn’t you …….but I look at this question and hear so many sounds and wonder which ones are my favorite?

  • The sound of the birds chirping at 4 in the morning …
  • The sound of rain hitting a steel roof….
  • The sound of a thunderstorm…..
  • The sound of Ravens cooing….
  • The sound of silence….
  • The sound of the one you love sleeping next to you ….
  • The sound of beautiful music…..

I could go on and on about my favorite sounds….

I think MY one sound I love to hear more than others is the sound of a baby’s laugh…..

Isn’t it the most beautiful sound in the world? When you hear a baby laugh it put’s a smile on everyone’s face who hears it ……I know it puts one on my face every time….. it makes my heart smile…..haha

I remember I had read somewhere that a child should laugh at least 1000 times each and everyday so I as a young new mom had made this my goal ….. my baby was going to laugh and laugh lots… 1000 times a day (wasn’t sure how I was going to count them though) but that was what I was going to do ……. My mother-in-law told me once (only once) that I was spoiling my baby. I on the other hand explained to her how I did not believe that you can spoil children with love….I would also like to note that when my partner and I think back on our time at home with our first-born I remember my first baby girl as the perfect baby that she was …she was happy all the time and laughing/smiling and never cried and yet when I went back to work and my partner had to stay home with her he remembers crying and lots of it for the six months he was home with her ….huh!!…imagen…. just an observation on my part of course …haha…….and to this day I have never smelled one bit of spoiling on any of my children…haha

Now when I look back at my 3rd child however….that laughter is something that I had taken for granted with the first two…Those of you who have had a child with colic will truly understand how beautiful the sound of laughter is ….I’m not trying to take away the enjoyment from those of you who have not had the wonderful luxury of having such a child, so that you could really learn and appreciate the things that you took for granted before you had such a child like laughter and sleep and sanity…… I think back and remember the frustration during those 9 months of HELL! …..and then realize that if I had never lived through that pain and anguish of listening to my child cry 24/7 …and the feeling of how I couldn’t fix what ever it is that was making her cry….that I was scared (and this was my 3rd child ….I should know what I’m doing by now!!!) that I was going absolutely crazy and may lose my mind at any given moment !!!… Without all that I may never have been able to appreciate the beauty of that baby’s laugh the way I do now …lol..

I remember so well the precise moment it happened….when I fell in love with my baby’s laugh …..I was sitting in my rocking chair my baby girl in my lap with her back to me ,I was rubbing her back trying to burp her after nursing and I leaned down and gave her a “zerbert” as Bill Cosby used to call it …haha…which is something that I had tried many times before because my 2 older children had loved it (and still do) and for what ever reason that I have never understood this time she finely laughed …..And I cried!!…..I’m sure that if anyone looking in the window probably thought I had finely lost my mind …haha… All because she laughed for the very first time and it was the most beautiful sound that I have ever heard..That was the sound that I had been missing in my life…

To this day when I hear a baby laugh it always brings me back to that day and that moment…..

I think back now…. if I had been able to see the importance of what I was learning during that time it may have made it easer to bear ….but then again maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had? Maybe I wouldn’t see the things the way I do now?

This road I’m traveling has definitely had its share of pot holes …and slowly I’m filling each and every one of them as I learn what they need to be filled with …because each one has been made with something different….

And this is how My Life Becomes Me.

 
 

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Moments Like this…..

I would Just like to share with the world what it is that makes being a Mom all worth while ….

I recently had a birthday and while I was at work my 3 Beautiful children were hard at work making home-made¬†cards for me …Because they are my favorite ,if you have put thought and effort¬†into something to me that is the most important thing… to me that means you care…..and all 3 cards were just like them they truly showed their individual personalities….they are keepers…lol

Now on top of these beautiful cards they very carefully¬†searched¬†up a cake recipe on-line and baked me a cake….From scratch mind you …..I have 2 boxes of cake mix in my cupboard¬†and they did not use them ….they topped the cake with writing icing in my 2 favourite colours Blue and Yellow….it was beautiful….I don’t like icing so the criss cross of little skinny lines was perfection for me

But MY moment the one that brings the water works to my eyes¬†( I know those of you who know me know that I am an emotional waterworks but those emotions are what makes you feel alive) is when my Oldest told me that her father had called and told her that she should make me a cake, with a great big smile on her face she tells me that she had already done it!!! at that moment¬†her¬†confidence ,her pride just shone through,that is what it’s all about¬†¬†

and¬†That is how Life Becomes ME……

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2011 in life

 

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