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Inspiration

Inspiration

I have not been inspired to write in a very long time …mainly because I have been using my creativity for other things ….like work ūüôā
Today however I have been inspired by my son.
I was watching my sons soccer game this afternoon and a wave of emotions overcame me, so much so that I was brought to tears …(which I wiped away really really fast!!…I could hear my oldest saying are you crying? Your such a sap mom!)…..haha….ya well I’m a mom!!

What brought this on …I am not sure maybe guilt about only being able to watch the last game of 4 these past 2 days or maybe because his father had the opportunity to watch all his games but chose not to….and I felt a little green with envy that I didn’t have that opportunity….. and knowing that he had been at this soccer field all day and not knowing if his dad had made sure he had food and water for the day because he had spent the week with him and of course partly because I have missed him …..
With all these thoughts going through my head ….I’m watching an amazing game and my son is doing an amazing job at defending his team, I was informed that he has already won MVP and as I watch I hear him apologize to a player on the other team for shoving him to hard….my heart as his mother swells just a little knowing how I have tried to teach him compassion and respect for others and that my 14 year old sons favourite pastime is to show me how little of those qualities he has (but as his mom I know better)…haha….and MY SON the one that I have always known and the side he tries to hide from me shows up and I know in the end I’ve done good…I’ve done something right along my road of wrongs….it was my AHA! moment
Of the day …possibly the week ….but it was there ….I saw it an I am proud…..because it’s not about how good his grades are or how good he is at sports …..it’s about how good he makes others feel! Today my heart was full ūüėÄ

And that is how My Life Becomes ME! xo

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Posted by on July 26, 2014 in life, Uncategorized

 

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OK Canada…Ready….Set….Go!!

I Figured I should start at the beginning….So I will start with the day My partner decided we could come home for good which is something I truly never believed he would agree to any time soon, and that explained my surprise and why I will never forget that day he made that choice.

He walked into my office¬†in August¬†with a purpose in his walk looked at me an said ” If were going to move it has to be before winter hits…give your notice”

REALLY?…. ok….this is really going to happen ….I waited 2 weeks just to be sure …asked again if we were really doing this, really going home just to be sure

and then gave my 2 months notice…yes 2months…. I¬†wanted to make sure all my orders were complete so the fool who was going to be my replacement wasn’t going to have to deal with my orders because he would have enough headaches with all the work that would pile up on him in a matter of seconds!……I loved my Job but I definitely was not going to miss the stress that came with it. one of my partners issues with my job is he could never understand why I cared so much ….why I couldn’t just give 2 weeks just like everyone else.

my job is part of who I am I could never leave unfinished business to drop on someone else’s lap because then it becomes a mess for someone else to clean up ….and that¬†just isn’t who I am.

so there it is with tears in my eyes (I loved my job and the people I worked for ) I gave my notice went home told my partner¬†….now its time to start packing….start looking for jobs…start looking for a new place to live….and low and behold start looking at my partner in a new way…he is really… really angry now….What… Why?

Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you didn’t mean it ….I¬†hadn’t ¬†realized you didn’t think I would quit my job…..and there it is his signature move get me all excited and then suck the fun out of it!…. some times he is so infuriating!…..but the wheels¬†are in motion¬†and the process has started….guess he shouldn’t have said let’s go¬†home if he didn’t really mean it( I even asked again after I wrote my resignation letter and passed¬†it to him to read it)¬†….so now¬†¬†let’s get on with it ….

my notice is in and¬†WE ARE GOING HOME….4 years is a long time when all your family and friends are on the other side of¬†Canada….

I’ve started packing…throwing things out….and looking for work…looking for a new home….last day of work…ok …I’m tired…we want to leave no later than Oct.31st…before the snow and cold really hit!…..While I’m getting ready for the big move …what’s going on with the rest ¬†of the family…well lets see.

My oldest is already packed. Was packed two weeks after we told her…as she says “can’t wait to leave this place!”

My Middle child …not so happy and seeing the sour look on his fathers face is SO NOT HELPING!…..

My youngest says she has mixed feelings….she is sick of the cold but will miss her best friend….but I bribed her with letting her have a cat if the new place is bigger ….I know ..I bribed her to my side..haha¬†¬†….and my partner ? what is he doing during all this …..don’t really know he isn’t talking to me unless its to yell…….and his ability in never answering question’s I ask is really showing…..

However he has informed me that we are not renting a truck or anything for that matter and I can only bring what will fit in the back of our pick up….the jeep…our little trailer and the boat….everything else must stay and we will buy new when we get home….new furniture WOO HOO!

Job interviews lined up…check!…..new home….ugh! need job first they say! …..that’s ok I tell my partner to ask his mom if¬†we can¬†stay with her till we find a place …she’ll be¬†leaving for¬†Florida any ways and her place will be empty…..free house sitter!

Now it’s our last night everything is packed….Halloween costume …check!…next stop Alberta Small town of¬†Manning…should be there¬†just¬†in time for trick or treating!….the youngest …she’s nine….. it’s in line with Birthdays and Christmas as her most important days of the year!…¬†haha…

To wrap this up in¬†a nice little bow…..my partner regrets¬†deciding to move home …but¬†has accepted the fact that its happening….and is still learning to deal with how he feels¬†about it …but has decided to not share these¬†feelings with me other than¬†show anger…..which fuels my 12-year-old¬†sons anger …..which causes anxiety in my 15-year-old¬†girl….and my 9-year-old just doesn’t want to miss¬†Halloween…..and really wants a new cat… since the family cat died 2 years ago after 18 beautiful years with me….so I’m thinking there will be lots¬†of growing pains with this move back home since they have already started…haha

But if we stay on¬†schedule we’ll be¬†back in Hamilton by¬†November 5th ….and not the 2 weeks it took the first time …..

I’m taking all the anger and stress being thrown at me¬†from everyone else and taking lots of deep breaths because once we are home life will go on and being back around family and friends…regular routines again everything will work out fine…..and everyone will adjust.

I’m also thinking life has been bumpy enough the last 2¬†months and¬†that¬†this trip should be smooth sailing……

You know because¬†moves like that don’t happen twice…Right?

And this is how My Life Becomes Me ūüôā

 
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Posted by on August 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Remember to smile……Because you can!

What makes you smile like nothing else?
I think this is an amazing question don’t you?
I’ve sat on this question for a while now because I wasn’t sure how to answer it, I had so many answers and couldn’t decide which one of the many things that make me smile actually make me smile like nothing else can…..

  • Many things can make me smile, some just little things like laying down to the smell of freshly cleaned sheets right out of the dryer…..
  • The first bite of my favorite dish (when I get it right)¬† haha……
  • When¬†a great song comes on the radio……
  • Watching my kids accomplish¬†something they have worked on…..
  • Seeing the look on my children’s face Christmas Morning because Santa came…..

After I thought about all the things that make me smile ……I realized the one thing that makes me smile like nothing else is the feeling of LOVE …..

The love from another given freely with nothing to gain …..that feeling that you get when you can feel the others love for¬†no other reason than for who you are …….The love you give to another because they are worth it …That is what makes me smile like nothing else can …..

My 8-year-old reminded me of this yesterday morning when she saw that after asking for 3 years in a row for a stuffed Jaguar teddy…..Santa finely came through and although none of his elves could find one anywhere nor could they make one …..Santa hunted down some¬†material¬†that looked as much like a Jaguar as he could and made one just for her …..and it has not left her side since……even though it is the most pitiful looking cat I have ever seen …haha…it probably should have been left to the elves….haha…But Santa worked very long hours on this cat I’m positive of that…..and when she saw it…….. that little spark that was starting to fade came back in her eyes and her belief in Santa was restored¬†….which moved my 2 older children and the magic of the real meaning of Christmas was back ……because its all about the love not the presents…..it’s all about the little things……

and I get the privilege of seeing that kind of love everyday….and every time my children hug me …..every time my¬†I hear my children¬†laugh ……every time I see Dorito the Jag(his new name) haha….get squeezed with love ( I sure hope he makes it through the year…..good thing Mom owns a sewing kit…..haha….

Dorito the Jaguar

This is how My life Becomes Me…..

 
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Posted by on December 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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A Glance of what’s to come

When you see a small glance of something great in someone close to you you wait for them to blossom.
As a parent I see these little glimpses every day in my 3 children.
But every once in a while you get a burst of greatness that sweeps worry away for just a little while.
I recently had one of these glances….

My baby … ok if she knew I was calling her a baby she would probably be upset..haha..because she is the ripe old age of 8…but that’s what you get when your the youngest ūüôā
Last night my little girl who we’ll call (s) was chatting away in the back seat on our way to dance class telling me all about her day and showing off her new powerful words like colossal…. It means very big by the way just in case you didn’t know …. ( thats her goal this term in school to learn more powerful words )….. So there she is chatting away again talking about her day and I decided to ask her about her new seating arrangement because her teacher unbeknown to her decided to sit her next to one of her best friends,now this boy we’ll call him (T) he is a real boys boy likes to play rough and tumble with the rest of the boys ….but since T met S in kindergarten he has had a soft spot for her. Maybe because she looks like a pixie but tackles like pit-bull….haha…
Ok now I’m getting off the mommy moment back to the story at hand…..
So I ask her if she is happy about this new seating arrangement ( which the teacher has already after one afternoon informed me that there seamed to be a lot of chatter) and she proceeds to inform me that she’s not too sure because he likes to talk a LOT…and she told him that if he keeps it up she will have to tell the teacher!
And then she tells me that he is very good friends with another little boy who we’ll call (L) and WE know L quite well he was at her birthday and boy does he have a crush on her, he is one of those boys who will pull the ponytail of the girl he likes, and he has been teasing her mercifully lately ….to the point that she didn’t want to go to school.
We spoke to her teacher and asked if she could do something about it for us.

So back to sitting in the car and driving to dance class…. I then proceeded to ask her if she was still having trouble with L teasing her or if sitting next to T has made it better or worse.
She looked at me a said very straight forward ….. Oh I took care of him!… You did did you! … She informed me that she told him to stop or She would tell Mrs.B the teacher…….

And that was it …..At that moment I was so proud of my baby girl because she didn’t like the way she was being treated so she did the right thing and said no this is not ok I don’t like it so stop or this will be the consequence….

If nothing else I’ve at least taught her this ….a very proud moment for me.

and then right there at that moment I realized the colossal mistake I had made in interfering ….now did I just make everything worse!…is L going to think she told …..so I send out an e-mail to her teacher that night and she tells me L has been home sick all week and she hasn’t had a chance to talk to him yet ….I took a deep breath and sighed with relief …..

She is still my pixie and will be a pit-bull with those other then her siblings, and this was when I got my glance of her greatness ….what’s to come… She told her best friend to stop talking so she wouldn’t get in trouble and put a stop to the teasing….

And this is how My Life Becomes Me.

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2011 in life

 

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Thanks for Giving

In¬†the tradition of giving thanks to those around us on this day I would like to share some of the things I¬†am thankful for…..

  • I am thankful for¬†my mother and father for giving me all they could to help me grow into the women and mother that I am.
  • I am thankful for my partner who has given me 3 of the most beautiful children in the world.
  • I am thankful¬†that my oldest girl has spirit and spunk¬†and the courage to be who she wants to be.
  • I am thankful¬†that my middle child¬†is¬†finding¬†the confidence to become what ever he wishes as he grows in to the man he so wants to become.
  • I am thankful for my youngest for having the perfect blend of spirit and confidence and courage to become the wonderful adult¬†that I know¬†she will become.
  • I am thankful for my¬† family and friends who have stuck by me through all my¬†ups and downs throughout¬†the years.
  • I am thankful that my partners dog may have finely stopped eating my books.
  • I am thankful for being able to make money doing what I enjoy.
  • I am thankful for lessons learned….and lessons that are still to be learned to allow me to grow.
  • I am thankful to those people who have been instrumental in¬†helping me grow over the past year.
  • I am thankful for my sweater¬†that is keeping me warm today as¬†I watch the first snow fall of the year.
  • I am thankful for the pickle ends because they are my favorite when eaten with cheese.
  • I¬†am thankful for the¬†ability to see and¬†appreciate all that I am thankful for.
  • I am thankful for you …..because you chose to stop and read what I have to say.

there are so many other things to be grateful for but I am in the middle of preparing turkey dinner so these are the ones that I will say for now.

I belive that there is always something to be thankful for no matter how rough the road…. you just have to look and once you focus on those little things the bumps in the road seem to fill them selves.

so what are you Thankful for this year?….you don’t have to share them with me if you don’t want to ….but you need to find them and appreciate them for your self because even the little things matter…..when you find all the little things and put them all together they become big things…..don’t you think.

so Thanks for giving to me…….thanks for giving to others…….thanks for giving even just a little of your selves.

and this is how…. My Life Becomes Me!

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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No more Fluff !!

So enough of the fluff…..haha….lets see if I can get back to¬†business…..and get re-inspired……

I’ve been thinking about my last post about how I am¬†perceived¬†by others and I said that I was the one “surprised” because I am who I say I am and the comment I¬†received¬†was beautiful….I have printed it out and keep it close by to come back to. I love what Danielle wrote…. who I would like to add is my mom ūüôā . I love you and ….all your eccentric ways because if it was not for you I would not have this ability to search to question and learn and to evolve in life….to be who I am and who I aspire to be ….so thank you.

When I wrote that I was the one “surprised”¬†I was¬†actually¬†pleased in a way that no one had anything to say because to me that told me that I really do live as I say…. I don’t have any¬†pretense¬†and every one can take me at face value….and that pleases me because I have always tried to be honest and true to myself as well as to others….although since then I have had several comments about it…of course after the fact ….but hey better late then never …..haha…. one was they were surprised that I like so many different types ¬†of music from Kesha-AC/DC-to Dolly Parton -Taylor Swift ……but the way I see it is it doesn’t matter what the¬†genre because¬†if it’s good it’s good ……maybe it’s because I think I can see beauty in just about anything …..I can see the good in everyone and everything…..as well as a purpose in all those things…..

now someone else told me that they were¬†surprised¬†to learn¬†recently that I am a bit of a perfectionist (a little OCD) on some¬†things …lol…but you see they were not the only ones¬†surprised on that one I have always known on some aspect about how some things I like done a certain way but I can always take a deep breath and let it be….I have always been able to work through it I’m happy to say ….but I had a¬†revelation a couple of weeks ago at work …..we are in the process of doing an overhaul on the way we do things at work because we can sometimes get sooooo busy that I feel like I am a chicken with her head cut off….haha…..so ¬†the Human¬†Resource¬†girl is doing some of the tedious work like creating work sheets and such for us now…..and when she first started doing this I didn’t complain about any of it because I truly do appreciate the help…lol…. but it didn’t take long before I just couldn’t deal with the little imperfections of the papers ….things like the pages not being¬†centered or crooked when photocopied….it got to the point that I could not look at the pages!!!!……boy did that open my eyes then I looked into my self to see where else this has affected my life and that is when I had my revelation ….no wonder I have such a hard time getting my work done I spent so much time doubting my work…… and I keep going back¬†until¬†it’s perfect…….it was like WOW I get it ….really I do!!!…..I love when that happens because now I can do something about it ¬†I can fix my little crooked lines now that I see them…lol….Because you know I am a perfectionist ….I have to fix it …..lol….but I can also see the¬†humor in the fact that I feel the need to fix it …..to fix me….witch is quite silly really because their is not such thing as perfection …..I am the first one to admit it….haha….

Now this brings me back to this¬†revelation…..now that I see this and I accept the fact that I have this issue with perfection ¬†I can see the good and bad of it …..

for one thing I am dedicated in giving my best and giving my all and that I don’t do anything I put my mind to with half a heart ….but because of it I can also see that if left unchecked it could become a serious issue and could set me back.

now one more thing that I think was a¬†surprise¬†to my kids was my hair (yet they never really commented on it)…..when I was a teenager I would change my hair probably as often as someone would change their cloths……haha….it really sucked when it got so short that I would have to let it grow before I would be able to cut it again but even the growing process would change it again. When I started having kids I stopped getting my hair done all the time….. one reason was my partner didn’t like short hair and then I was more concerned about spending my money on more important things…..Then I hit 30!! oh boy was that a wake up call….my kids had Funky hair day at school and I had so much fun doing their hair that morning and then that afternoon I went out and got my hair done when they got home from school my oldest ,who was 6 at the time looked at me and said ……”um mom it was funky hair day for us….not you ?”….hahaha….I came home with orange and yellow hair is what she called it ….haha….I called it copper and blond …..and since then I’ve gone red …..and purple …..haha….maybe it will be pink or blue next. or even short again…..haha (although I think now my oldest may not want to be seen with me if I do go pink or blue)…haha…because she says I’m weird….haha.

as my mom said “We are Life expressing itself in our each unique way”

and That is how My Life Becomes Me.

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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FRIENDSHIP

Describe your BEST FRIEND from Childhood…..what did you do together?……this is¬†today’s¬†question……I think I love this question.

Friendship……. friends are the ships that keep you¬†afloat when the holes are too big and the waves too high…

Childhood friends are friends that you make and play with when you are a child. Some grow with those friends and some grow away from those friends….some move away …..some move back ……and some friends never change ……

I as a child moved many times so it was not easy making friends…The longest I¬†lived¬†in one home was 3 years…..I became an expert at being the new kid.¬†I have counted the amount of times I have moved and my number is 37 times so far …..and well I’m 37 years old so you can average that out to once per year ..haha…so as a child I was always the one that moved away ….but I have also been the one to move back ….I have grown away …and have also grown with…….. some of the most amazing friends …..

I consider myself a lucky friend …..for I do not have many people I call friends but the few I do I cherish deeply….I have one friend that I would call my childhood friend …..I met her when I was in the 6th grade…..I was the new kid of course…and she was the one that moved back….we were brought together by an old friend of hers all the way back from¬†kindergarten… (OK¬†we were 11-12..haha ) who was also a new friend for me….That year was a tough one …haha…puberty starts kicking in around that age and I was known to be a little bossy back then ..haha…their were some fights and some making up and the year ended with her and I becoming the best of friends and ready to conquer Middle School…

We spent that first summer going for bike rides all around the city,going swimming,¬†pick nicks in the¬†cemetery…I know it’s a little morbid but it was quiet and right on the lake ..haha..we enjoyed it….¬†we also pick nicked in the royal botanical gardens so not all morbid…haha….we even got lost and found together…

I moved halfway through the next year to the other side of the city but we had a good foundation and I got my first phone so we still talked and hung out¬†every once in a while …..but at the end of grade 7 I moved to Quebec I remember feeling like I lost my best friend…haha…ok well I was losing my best friend ….but she was a dedicated friend and¬†promised¬†to¬†¬†write and so in the following year I wrote letters to my two best friends that I left in Ontario….I didn’t mail very many letters but I wrote many…haha that year was also the year that my parents divorced and my father moved back to¬†Ontario so when I would go see him I would call my friend up and we would trade shoe boxes of letters hang out and take them back with me….

Now life works in mysterious ways sometimes….The year I was starting High School I moved in with my father so back to Ontario I went I was¬†so¬†excited to move back but we moved to a new part of town and I was a little sad and scared to be starting High School by my self and not knowing any one ….I called my childhood friend and her¬†grandmother¬†tells me they have moved and she gives me her new # …… I found her just a few¬†blocks away from my new home…..And for the first time in my life I would not be starting a new school by my self ..haha….this was going to be a good year….

we were teens… we grew…we learned ….we got in trouble …. our bond got stronger we made new friends…but still we were close and nothing would¬†separate¬†us….not even BOYS…haha ….but once again I moved to another city and we slowly grew apart she hung out with people I didn’t know and slowly we grew apart but always talked on the phone and never forgot a birthday …..over the years we went our¬†separate ways…She continued school and I started a family but we have always made the effort to stay in touch even when life worked against us …

I think that over the years if she had not made as much of an effort as she did we may not still be friends and I thank her for that because if she hadn’t I would have missed out on the wonderful women, Friend,and Mother she has become (sniff)….haha…I still don’t see her much nor do I talk to her often (I do live on the other side of the country)but I cherish every moment I do….there is a bond between us that I will cherish till the end of time… I do think she is the better friend there¬†have been times that I feel like I wasn’t there for her when I should have been but I think she knows that I wish I could have been the friend that she needed and I always sent her all my love.

OK I started writing thinking I would talk about all the wonderful friends I have but it became all about one ….haha….but I do have a few more that I¬†cherish¬†as much as her that I want to talk about….

one is my Sister she truly is one of my best friends and wishes nothing but the best for me…. I can trust her and she will always be there for me no matter what …even if she does THINK she knows better ….haha… ūüėõ

another one is someone who I met in the 9th grade and boy did the four of us get in trouble!!!…haha….and I remember feeling like the other 2’s parents thought my sister and I were the bad influence but I think I¬†kept¬†them¬†reeled¬†in a bit because boy did they get in trouble when I moved away …haha….her and I ¬†grew apart as adults but have¬†recently¬†reconnected and it pleases me because when you have friends like these that you can be your self with it makes the rest of the world look less scary.

now my last childhood friend that I have… I think we are complete¬†opposite’s but for what ever reason we clicked from the first time we met when I was 15 and she stole the last table in Tim¬†Horton’s¬†right from underneath me …haha…she is just one of those people who accepts you for who you are and she is someone who not only do I trust her with all ….but I think she knows all !!!!…..not someone I would ever want upset with me……haha

These four Women …….I would trust with all my¬†secrets….( OK I have to…. I think combined they could hurt me !!!!…..haha…).These four Women I don’t have to trust with all my deep dark secrets because they were there and know them all ……and do you know why they were there ……

Because Friendships……. are the ships that keep you¬†afloat when the holes are too big and the waves too high that’s why ……

They are the leaves that feed this¬†Caterpillar to help me morph into my Butterfly….

And this is how My Life Becomes Me…….

 
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Posted by on June 29, 2011 in Change, Choices, life, week post 2011

 

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